Peeling back the layers

Every so often I have an experience I like to document, to put into words/pictures/recordings about how It made me feel. My learnings, I also document, so I can go back to it and hope things to sink in a bit deeper! Occasionally my learnings and experiences come together at once and I have the courage to share...


⭐️This is just my own personal insight and offering. 


Last week I had been on a high. Paul and I giggled our way through most days. We had silly mini adventures out of the norm and have been feeling excited about life and what's in store. 


I have also been teaching a lot with a big focus on the Anahata (Heart) Chakra. As soon as I began to tune into this part of the energy body and used my physical practice to open and align I started to notice my emotional state shifting...I was still happy but I could feel a few shadows creeping in, still my mind kept telling me to stay on the buzz and enjoy the high. It felt easier-so I did!


Then on Friday my teacher noticed something in me as I led a practice and said "Try and get to a yin practice in the next few days."


So I did....and here I am, snapped below, post yin.


Not necessarily the face you expect to see after yoga! Radiance, glow, serenity are images we may visualise rather than a wet soppy face and a snotty nose!


Anyway, The heart chakra is based in the middle of the chakra system almost like a bridge and a point of balance between the lower and higher chakras. A balance of energies seeking security as well as freedom/liberation. This balance is required for healthy relationships we have with others as well as with ourselves.


Grief is the demon of the heart chakra. Grief often comes and is felt with the loss of some one we love, break of a relationship, death etc. 


My battle with grief has been ongoing since I was small, since my first memorable loss. My attachment to It is something I am continuously noticing, as I discover more about myself.


So after a week of many heart opening practices and meditations, the shift of energy continued to change and I learnt a wee bit more! Thing is, the heart doesn't always need joy for it to open and feel alive, I realise. Working with the heart doesn't necessarily fill us with overwhelming happiness...but it does bring awareness to what's there and the things we maybe holding onto. 


Grief can sometimes be the vital key to open the heart rather than love at times. Once exposed, we can acknowledge its hurt, or ache or loss, shed the tears we need and hope to clear stuff out (In a roundabout way!) 


I read a great analogy the other day that suggests, grief can be likened to big black clouds that obscure the sky, once the rain has poured, the sun begins to show through and shine. 


Today I had a breakthrough. Today I truly felt my grief and took the opportunity to enquire deeper. How did make me feel as I remained in it, using my breath as an anchor and self love and compassion as support? There is still work to be done, but what showed for me today, was resentment. Which funnily enough, has tried to show its face a few times in other life scenarios recently. Perhaps the hurt I carry, of the loss of my father, is asking for forgiveness to set it free?


My Dad had a losing battle with alcohol. Although I know there is a whole lot more to it- it is still hard to accept the alcohol won. But, I am understanding more everyday and perhaps I can begin dissolve resentment and hurt with forgiveness? With forgiveness, perhaps I can free the part of me that sits out there attached to 'the loss' and bring it back to self to be loved. Love isn't something we create...we are love. Love doesn't run away when the shit hits the fan, or when things get tough, when we hurts, It gets stronger. (Hell of a lot easier said then done, I know) 


Can I begin to balance the joy and sadness, love and grief, resentment and forgiveness etc to uncover the shadows and bring them into light. To welcome in both forces, anchoring into what serves me and from there grow/reach further and beyond what doesn't? 


It's a long journey but I can begin to see the hurdles as another step into Jem and another open door toward the huge bank of divine wonderful love of which I'm made of. That WE are made of. 




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